Many of us were taught by Paul Lundberg at East Falmouth Elementary where he has been teaching the fourth grade for over 20 years. Then there are many of us who know him simply as “Coach” due to his long career as the FHS boy’s basketball coach. What many don’t know is that he is the mastermind of East Falmouth Night. You see Coach Lundberg has his players become pen pals with his students at Easty Elementary, he then invites the students of East Falmouth to a game where they get to meet their pen pal and get a t-shirt. Bottom line is Coach Lundberg is a stalwart steward of the center of the universe.

On Wednesday night Coach Lundberg and his Falmouth Boy’s Basketball team traveled to Mansfield for the first game of the MIAA division 2 state tournament. Falmouth would come into the tournament as a 12 seed, while Mansfield, seeded at number 5, would be the favorite.

Mansfield came out firing and jumped to an early 14-4 lead, but Falmouth managed to close the gap behind some phenomenal first half play from the likes of D.K. Johnson and Danny McGill. Throw in a Double Double from John Lavine, solid pay from Trevor Andrews, Zach (Salt) Weishar, Justin Mercier, Alessio Tranchell and Will Joyce, and Falmouth High was playing solid team basketball. Even the 02540s were playing like they were ballin’ on the streets of the 02536.

In the second half the tension was building, the lead was changing back and forth and the minutes were dwindling away. Fast forward to two minutes remaining in the game and after a powerhouse bucket by East Falmouth’s own Trevor Andrews, Falmouth took a 50-47 lead. Mansfield came back and drained a three to tie and the sold out crowd began to realize they were in for a battle for the ages.

On Falmouths next trip down the hardwood Nelson (Nelly) Baptiste (remember that name) was fouled and hit one of two from the charity stripe. After matching turnovers Mansfield drove to the hoop for two points and took the lead at 52-51 with 33 seconds left. Nelly quickly answered for Falmouth from the perimeter after a nice feed from D.K.

On the following posession Mansfield was fouled with 7 ticks remaining and hit the first of two free throws to tie the game at 53. Mansfield missed the second shot, Trevor came down with a monster board and Falmouth quickly called a timeout with 5.9 remaining. With the game tied Falmouth could not allow it to reach overtime. With 3 key players all in severe foul trouble, overtime was a death sentence for The Clippers.

Folks this is where it becomes magical, and while I know you are all drooling over the goats magically descriptive prose, we here at the go2536 have a treat for you… video footage. So without further ado we give you video of McGill inbounding to D.K. who dishes to Nelly (originally from Seacoast Shores, Holla), and the rest is history…

Falmouth wins!!! Falmouth Wins!!! Seacoast Shores Rules!!! Falmouth Wins!!!

Walpole beat Dartmouth in another upset which means that our local heroes will be playing at home on Saturday night at 7 p.m. Let’s show them what it happens when the 02536 has your back by rocking the Robert V. Antonucci field house like it has never been rocked before. (Hey we paid $86 million for it, we might as well use the damn thing)

Shout outs and thanks: Film courtesy of Renee Johnson, Coach Rogers for the descriptive re-cap, Coach Femino for remaining calm and getting the players to line up (classy work Femino), Coach Lundberg for keeping it real in the 02536, Coach Patterson (Master P) for cracking us up with his high knee hops at the end of the video, and to the loyal students that trekked up to the game and rushed the court in true old school fashion.

If you’d like to help get the word out about FHS’s magical run in the tournament click on the box with the f in it underneath where it says “post this on your social media page” and it will post this on your facebook wall.

While surfing the Cape Cod Times website, we found an East Falmouth story as old as time itself. A story of overcoming adversity, a story of courage, a story of East Falmouth Ingenuity.

Here is an excerpt from the story:

HYANNIS — A Barnstable police detective was in “total shock” Monday night when, while patrolling Main Street looking for drug transactions, a 39-year-old East Falmouth woman jumped into his car and attempted to sell sex to the plainclothes detective, according to the police report and Barnstable police officials.

You know why this detective was in “total shock” right? Because everyone knows East Falmouth ladies are way too good for Barnstable losers. He could probably smell the 02536 awesome sauce on her and got all confused by her advances towards him. He’s used to dirty Yarmouth girls, not the top notch talent coming out of the 02536.

Here is a little more detail:

Before the officer could roll down his window to ask her if she needed some help, Kelley said that Azarian opened his door and “jumped” into the passenger side of his vehicle, even sitting on top of a set of handcuffs and other police equipment. Once inside, Azarian asked the officer if he was “playing” or “looking for fun,” the report said. Kelley played along.

This my friends is what we call proactive selling. While all the inept Hyannis Hos were wandering around aimlessly, our hero2536 was taking the bull by the horns and making things happen. They teach you this technique on day one at “Pookies East Falmouth School of Selling Nookie”, if a car stops within twelve feet of you, there is a 93% chance they are looking to pay for some booty. This is common knowledge in the 02536.

Here is what happened next to our lovely lady:

Azarian then stated that they had to be careful because of the police and directed the detective to drive back into the parking lot and to park at the other end, by the Best Value Motel, the report said. Azarian then offered Kelley sex for $100.

Folks Desiree Azarian should be commended. While other people are sitting home, complaining about the terrible economy and waiting for a stimulus check, Desiree is out creating her own “stimulus check” (if you know what I mean).

In these dire economic times it is refreshing to see a woman out there meeting life head on. We in the go2536 should all feel a great swelling of pride that we have such a hard working, go getting, upstanding ho2536 out there in Hy-Town representing us.

Somebody get that gal a shirt!

We here at the go2536 have been sitting on a few of these videos for a while now just waiting for the right time to bring them to the people. Well we’re feeling a little saucy today in the 02536 so here we go… Let’s get this party started at the Barnstable County Fairgrounds shall we?

Is there any chance that those are actually the same Village People from the Seventies? They can’t be right? How could you possibly go from headlining Studio 54 and having your choice of booze, drugs and whatever man meat the butcher was choppin’, to playing for six year old’s at the BCF, and not kill yourself?

85,000,000 albums sold + Barnstable Countyfairgrounds = Shame on everyone that has the gay.

Come on gays, you’re better than this, these are people who brought you more joy than cocaine and roller skates combined, the least you can do is collectively start them a 401k or something.

Let’s move on now to a piece of homegrown art. We couldn’t get a full location disclosure on this, we only know that it is somewhere in East Falmouth:

Wow, whoever pulled this off must have gone on to a distinguished career as the head of the Pink Floyd Lazer Light Show at the Omni theater. That is skills right there. Bust out the lava lamp, take a couple of huffs off of your Redi-Whip cannister, put some tin foil on your head and watch that clip in reverse. You can see Roger Waters licking god’s forehead at the 2:18 mark. Sick.

Last but not least we bring you a very sad video of some youngsters who are up to some hi-jinx at the mall/Burger King. I warn you it is not impressive.

Sad, just sad. Everyone knows that to do a proper shopping cart you need to be inside the shopping cart. Really, you’re a dude, you’re outside, why are you peeing in the trash? Is this supposed to be funny? Destructive? Crazy? It is exactly zero of those things. Grow up and pee on your friends, that would have been funny.

It is times like these when I lose my faith in the youth of the 02536. It is time you learned that you are the future stewards of the center of the universe, you can’t be acting like that. Until you learn to properly put your own and your friends’ health and well being at risk and realize how much funnier it is to urinate on living beings than on inanimate objects, I am afraid we are going to have to ask you to stay off of youtube.

Also what is with his buddy at the end? What are you trying to give him a hug? Your friend is standing in front of a trash can and a face high speed bump sign and you don’t follow through on the take down? Shame on you. Take that dog and pony show to a village like West Falmouth where it belongs.

Well ladies and gentlemen our esteemed state representative Matt Patrick has officially been nominated for the “waste of everyone’s time” award for government lunacy. He has filed legislation, on behalf of schoolchildren apparently, to make the fourth Wednesday of every January “No name calling day”.

This will launch our first official yearly tradition here at go2536.com as from now on, every fourth Wednesday of January we will call Matt Patrick a new insulting and derogatory name like “dumb-ass”, “doucheface”, or “Woods Hole”.

Seriously how awful of an idea is this? Name calling is one of the great pastimes of youth. A game of “yo mamma so ugly” is a right of passage (that MTV and Fez did their best to ruin). A childhood with no name calling would not only be boring, but it would set the stage for a tough adulthood, especially as a Masshole.

Imagine your son little Timmy (Numb Nuts) just got his license and he accidently cuts somebody off. Said driver responds reasonably and appropriately by leaning on the horn and calling Timmy an asshole. Because he grew up in a Matt Patrick inspired Utopian society Timmy is shocked, starts crying and drives off the road. Your new Camry just got totaled, and there is only one person to blame… Matt Patrick!

The other inherent problem with this legislation is that the single best way to get a kid to do something is to tell them not to. This is not rocket science, but apparently it is lost on our fearless representative. I will give you a 98% goat guarantee that name calling will increase 782% on this fateful Wednesday next year. Cries of “It’s no name calling day… DICKHEAD!” will be ringing out from the Big Toys of Teaticket and East Falmouth Elementary schools like the trill of the Seacoast Bird. (In North Falmouth you will probably hear things like “I like the way you have your collar up on your pink Izod Peter”)

Does Matt Patrick have nothing better to do with his time than to sissify other people’s children? Mark my words, next year on “No name calling day” the goat will saddle up the fastest horse in the 02536 and ride through the streets calling everyone and their mothers names as if I were the Paul Revere of insults, ending at the home of Matt Patrick with a grand finale like barrage of “toolbags”, “cock lips” and “asshats”.

Oh and what the hell is Don Rickles going to do on that day? Seriously, did you ever think about the fact that you cost poor Don Rickles a day of work Matt?

Asshole.

We don’t usually post on Saturday’s, but this type of thing happens once in a lifetime. Insane Tony had to shadow this guy across town to get a clear shot. Say what you will about the Insane one, but don’t for a second question the dedication. He would lay his body down for the 02536, we could use a hundred more like him…

And about the photo, no need for commentary, whoever owns this vehicle can pick up their Port-chie award at go2536 headquarters.

Wanted: 02536er with van, to perfect the Portuguese 500.

This weeks 0253search opened our eyes to a great possibility. We are going to put together the perfect P5. Once someone comes forward with a van we are going to travel around East Falmouth buying things off craigslist. First up is to buy these for it:

Look at those puppies will ya? These are so2536. They even come with swivel bases. I don’t understand why this person is not utilizing the absolute treasure he has in his posession. If I had these chairs but no van, they would be bolted to the living room floor and my ass would be swiveling like there’s no tomorrow.

Once we have the chairs installed we will add this sweetness to the underside of the van:

All I can say is it is a good thing our chairs have swivel bases, because if they didn’t we would have stiff necks from turning to see all the girlies staring at our neon undercarriage lights in awe. Fellas you better marry those girls now, because their love for you will be no match for the lure of the neon.

Next thing we need to do is get our chick magnet mobile some sneakers. These are for sale in East Falmouth, we’ll just have to modify them a bit for the van:

Chrome yo. Five stars. Low Profile. Any questions?

Up next we need some tunes, we found this nice Pioneer in Easty:

Unfortunately some of East Falmouth’s finest have already soured this guy. I am guessing by the “due to rampant frauds and scandal” part of the ad that home slice won’t be taking our bad check.

Just when we thought we would have to do the unthinkable (P5s with no tunes) a great opportunity fell right into our lap. When life gives you no music, you just have to make your own:

Now we are rolling strong, and it is cocktail hour. What you thought craigslist was out of toy cars with booze in them? Think again:

Only in East Falmouth would you have a choice of which car filled with booze you wanted. The last time we saw this it did come with a bonus giant Heineken, but hey you can’t get picky.

I know everyone is asking themselves, what pray tell are our P5 heroes going to drink out of? Um this is East Falmouth folks, there is only one thing to drink out of and it is for sale right here in the center of the universe:

There you have it, a day of purchasing items in East Falmouth and we could have the single best P5 ever done.

• Swivel Seats – $75
• Neon Lights – $40
• Chrome Rims – $1000
• tambourines – $2
• Booze Car – $125
• Glass Jars – $12
• Being Awesome – Priceless

Ladies this is just a bit of advice, if you happen to see the 02536 crew rolling by in a van with chrome five star rims, neon lights underneath and we are hitting the Jim Beam out of our jars and playing sweet harmonies on our tamborines. It would be best for you to sit down immediately, because if the sight of that doesn’t make you weak in the knees then I don’t know what will.

Seeing as love is in the air after this weekend, we thought we would follow suit here at the go2536. So here is a Valentines Day post… goat style.

There are the timeless questions of mankind regarding the nature of the mind and soul, but what of the influence of other beings, of society, on these organic human fundamentals? When contemplating the inner workings of our emotions, nowhere is the influence of the modern world more prevalent than in the realm of love.

In present day society is it possible for love to remain metaphysical in nature, or is it a sociological phenomenon?

At its core love can not be controlled. It is an elementary inherent feeling, a pain. A pain in the sense that once you have felt it for another being, it is unbearable to be without. It is physically tormenting to be deprived of both the emotion and the individual that is loved. Love in its rawest element is a truly metaphysical emotion, but we no longer live amongst raw elements. With the complexity of society, the emergence of religion, politics, capitalism and the general status quo, love is tested immediately and often.

If presented in a vacuum love would survive infinitely. With only the two beings engulfed in it having influence over it, love would thrive. Without distraction love is the single most powerful force in the universe, so how does it get so easily swept aside by outside forces that pale in comparison?

Many believe that time is a factor in the degradation of love. Time is no doubt a formidable force, it has amazing power to heal souls and transform beliefs, both of which are nothing short of magical. Time, however, has a constant companion. Society. Accompanying time throughout is the presence of people, technology, expectations, pressure and the general weight of existing in such a complex modern world. If there were a way to strip all of these outside influences from the passage of time, one thing would remain, love.

There is proof of this everywhere. Two beings separated unwillingly at a time of unequivocal love but reunited later in life will always immediately feel the core strength of their love with equal fervor. It may degrade quickly thereafter, but only if burdened with expectations derived from the influence of their experiences. Expectations born of outside sociological factors.

In these times we live in, more than half of the intended lifelong relationships end up in shambles. This is because we have replaced an uncontrollable metaphysical force with a sociological manipulation of emotions in order to falsely believe we are in firm control of our destinies. This need to control our destinies and live up to the expectations imposed on us from birth has inadvertently and ironically left us destined to fail.

Let us re-educate ourselves in our beliefs and grab hold of love in its purest form. Let us face our fears and not take the easy way out. Let us not fight the inherent power of true love and hold it so dear that no force can alter it and we will surely live fulfilled.

We have a choice in our lives, we can either hold out for true metaphysical love and yield to our fate or we can settle with less and seal it.

Keep it real 02536 – t.g.

click here to see the full ad, or here is the full text:

it’s superbowl time again and we are all here with lots of beer and food and we are looking for some cool girls to come hang out with us…there are 8 really good guys here that rang in age from 29 to 35…this is no high school gay party! lots of good food too! if yor interested,….bring your drinking hats and be ready to have a good time.

Whoa. When the weekly 0253threesearch on craigslist turned up this post I have to say it was a roller coaster of emotions. Since I’ve seen it I’ve changed my mind a few times on what to think. So today we are going to go through a reaction time line:

Immediate reaction: Oh my goodness gracious what a bunch of ass clowns, what kind of anti-social tools would have to post an ad on craigslist to get girls to hang out with them? Also, what makes them think that having beer and food is something to advertise about a Superbowl Party? If you don’t have those two ingredients I believe they call it “watching T.V.” You are right when you say “this is no high school gay party”, it is much creepier than that, it is an adult gay party.

I would imagine they are probably playing dungeons and dragons as the pre-game warm up, followed by charades at halftime, while a few of them get the basement ready for their post game all dude truth or dare marathon. This party must have more argyle socks and sweaters tied over the shoulder than the last Falmouth Academy chess club meeting. That is of course until truth or dare, at which point the party probably turns into this:

Yeah that’s a man drinking a Smirnoff Ice, he has a fake I.D. showing him as a teenage girl I guess.

Then I started to re-think my initial reaction and started saying to myself…

Secondary Reaction: Wait a minute, this is frickin’ genius! This is Cape Cod in the winter after all, and desperate times call for desperate measures. I have been to many, many sausage parties in my day and not once did any of my genius friends come up with the idea of using the power of the internet to better our situation. Maybe there are eight good looking, well adjusted girls sitting around a computer on craigslist looking for a party to go to?

If this isn’t an example of East Falmouth ingenuity then I don’t know what is. Kudos to these men of genius!

At this point visions of sugarplums were dancing inside my head. I don’t know why, since I have never seen one, nor do I have any idea what a sugar plum is, but they were there and suddenly the party looked like this:

Those girls definitely answered a craigslist ad about a Superbowl party right?

So around this time is when my third and final thought on this ad started streaming into my dome piece and I said to myself…

Third and final reaction: What if this actually did work? This could not be a good thing. Remember the initial reaction questioning the type of chronic bed wetters that would post such an ad? Well what kind of ladies (and I use the term loosely) would answer an ad for a superbowl party that…

1. exists
2. is posted the same day of the superbowl
3. advertises that it is just eight dudes
4. is in East Falmouth

This is when I decided that while I harbor no bad feelings for the dudes that tried it (hey, it’s worth a shot), I have to believe that even if this idea happened to somehow work, no good result could possibly come from what ensued. I imagine it would look something like this:

So whoever posted that ad (and I have a feeling they may be readers of the go2536 to pull a stunt like that) I ain’t gonna hate on ya, just remember what may happen even if it works…

Today we have our second interview, this one is with the esteemed Jimmy O’Connell. Jimmy was raised deep in the 02536 but has since moved halfway across the universe to Centerville. He still manages to fly home once a year and I managed to sit down and have a chat with him at a nice little cafe called Chez Facebook. Here’s a little copy and paste taste for your face…

the goat- For the record please state your name, rank and the street you were raised on:

Jimmy- James R. O’Connell — J-Sizzle — O.G. homey (Oak Grove Ave)

(goat note: click here for a map if you’re not sure where Oak Grove is)

the goat- Was the pull of the Heights as strong as they say, or was it easy to take a left deeper into the 02536 when coming out of the grove on your bike?

Jimmy- It was easy like Sunday morning brohammer…We had the Green Pond Marina, Menahuant beach, Acy beach, summer girls in Belmar and Great Harbors, Maravista Bridge etc.. everthing you needed was there. But I was young and foolish and at times ventured off-campus to see what all the hub-bub was about.

Yet I would be remiss if I didn’t recognize that the Heights was quite a different scene than it is now (ZZZzzzzzzz). Back then you had the Brothers 4 and The Casino/Wharf and although too young to enjoy what was going on inside, I took great pleasure in the scene in and around the beach/ballpark which was loaded w/ college aged folks running around in a 70′s/80′s haze, as cheap housing was made readily available throughout the summer months.

But that’s what makes the Go2 so great, it’s far reaching proximity to other villages allows for easy access on a fuji yet you always pine to get back to sweet mother GO2…

the goat- Did you just bring up a Fuji?!?! Well we don’t have to ask how old you are, you just dropped about 20 dated bombs in that response. So lets get back to where it counts. You must have rolled deep in the Acapesket and Davisville hoods as a kid right?
Give us a day in the life of a kid from Oak Grove back then…

Jimmy- A day in the life of an O.G. would begin with slipping into a pair of your best JAMS, sliding a fly Thompson Twins cassette in to your Sony boom-box, jumpin’ on the Fuji to meet your crew to go linguica fishing or rollerskate on the strawberry patch… Well maybe a dream sequence induced by a Montreal trip.
Actually seeing how your question lends itself to a variety of answers depending upon age, season etc., I’ll break it down by activities most pursued by the Ac’y/Davisville crew.

1. Sports…kind of: Our crew played: wiffle ball, stick ball, rag ball dodge ball, kick ball, football, smear the queer (I know not P.C. but it WAS the 70′s/80′s), goal line, pickle, 500, volleyball, street hockey, pond hockey, basement hockey, basketball, 21, pig, ultimate frisbee, horse, golf, and murderball on every street, road, backyard, alley, driveway, pond, bog, field, or court in the GO2. And if that didn’t work we just threw shit at each other… or others. Games were always fun, competitive and resembled a group of old amish men wrestling over the last loaf of friendship bread. 77.6%

2. Drinking in the woods with the boys while perfecting air guitar solos. 22%

3. Drinking in the woods with girls. Like male sirens of the E. Falmouth woodland we tempted ladies with our musk and feats of masculinity… which rarely worked hence the amount of time spent on #1 and #2. .4%

the goat- Wow you guys didn’t play many games, they must have invented a bunch more before I came up. So let’s talk about this drinking in the woods, as I am sure that every one of our readers is shocked by this. End of Pacheco Path? Oh and how many Heffenreffers could you drink before you were in capable of deciphering the puzzle under the cap?

Jimmy- Pacheco Path, Ha! I haven’t heard that in a while. Of course the woods is a relative term that encompassed all of the outdoors. Most of the time it was actual woods but to a lesser extent backyards, beaches, parking lots, bogs, and a couzy little nook of the GO2 that we deemed the bamboo forest.

Heffenreffers were some strong beers so maybe 3 or 4 before incoherence took shape. I was never good a puzzles and probably spent more time focusing on the fact that it was always the same handful of dudes. I Was also a big fan of White Elephants, the lesser known little cousin of the Heffenreffer. But mostly your obligatory Buds, Millers, Keystones, Strohs and knickerbockers if your were on a limited budget.

the goat- I see… so when was the first time you saw Conroy tear up a pair of spoon’s like nobody’s business, and could anyone out flat top Kapulka back in the day?

Jimmy- In front of Family Foods during an impromptu sidewalk Open Mic session. Mr. Conroy was mentored by the old E. Falmouth blues spoon legend, Sir Pickwick Razzlebad III. None of us were allowed to witness the “lessons” as there were stories of a grueling indocrination period which included playing while the spoons were set ablaze as his hands were tied with twine in the back of a moving Mazda. Mr. Conroy emerged with scarred digits but a mightily soulful sound born of inumerable hours under Sir Pickwick’s controversial yet keen eye.

Kapulka’s flatty was surpassed only by Grace Jones and Johnny Unitas in popularity and recognizibility as voted on by Associated press in ’87.

the goat- Oh the history folks, the story of the spoons revealed right here on go2536.com. Stevie’s flatty remains the stuff of legend even today. We have one obligatory question, how old were you when you did your first Portuguese 500? Do you remember the type of car?

Jimmy- Well my mother was a firm believer in pre-natal education and demanded my father drive her around while I was in utero. By the age of 5 I was able to sketch the entire P-5 route, by 12 I was fully immersed in a summer tutorial outlining potential pitfalls, and troubleshooting lessons i.e., spotting potential “buyers”, finding the party, I.D.’ing a potential fight,, puking from a moving vehicle, and of course the requisite “Pig” recognition. It was a hell of a ride yet like most fast risers and child prodigies the fall from grace was equally as hellish.

However, the first time I experienced the P-5 with my contemporaries I was a passenger in a White Mustang LX… with red vinyl seats…ring a bell ladies? I distinctly recall the car omitting the malodorous scent of sweat, fear and desperation. Perhaps emanating from the trunk? *Participants shall remain nameles to protect the innocent….

the goat- Interesting, my mother was into pre-natal education too, that’s why she was drinking sombrero’s the night I was born.
So now that you are no longer residing in the 02536, how many times a day do you think about it? Do you watch old home videos and weep while putting lipstick on your forehead?

Jimmy- Sombrero’s nice, the mustache and big funny hat makes much more sense to me now.

In all seriousness I pine, yearn, ache, hanker, covet and long for my beloved 02536 numerous times a day. I could not imagine a more idyllic locale to be raised in and thank the good lord that I had that opportunity afforded to me. I think my profile pic speaks to my nostalgic affection toward my beloved little hamlet.

As for the lipstcik, I no longer apply it to my forehead as I find much greater pleasure creating an upside down tummy face and perform one act vignettes from Jane Austen books speaking from my bellybutton.

the goat- Well I think we’ve gone from Fuji’s to talking bellybuttons so I think it is time to wrap it up. Is there any last words you would like to leave our readers with? Shout outs?

Jimmy-Just a simple thanks to and your cohorts for allowing me the opportunity to extoll my affection for my beloved village.

A quick “shout-out” to: The Cranberry Gods, Papa Chourico, Venus Mercanaria, Rosa Rugosa and of course my beloved parents for raising me in the True “Center of the Universe”…I couldn’t imagine growing up anywhere else.

R.I.P: Green Pond Marina and Jake’s Tap: they can take you away from us yet your spirit will live on infinitum.

Ate’ Logo