go2536 Entrenched Foreign Correspondent, um, corresponding.

We can all picture the scene in our mind’s eye:  White-shuttered houses with wide porches on quiet lanes.  Inlets and coves dotted with moored sailboats.  Crack pipes.

Wait, what was that last one?

It would appear that, according to reliable sources, There’s more to North Falmouth than the Village Association would like us to believe.

“I can spot a good crack pipe a mile a way,” intones my informant - a strapping man with a noble chin, a dignified air, and horn-rimmed glasses with an attached nose and mustache named “Anthony”.  Though some have gone so far as to call him “Insane” in the past, I have never found him to be anything less than  credible.

The Evidence.

I’m back in the 02536, if only temporarily.  I had to slip across the border incognito; first growing out my straggly beard, then shaving into it the traditional tribal markings known as “handlebars.”  I’m risking exposure and almost certain disdain from my “neighbors” to gain access to the information possessed by Tony.  You see, Tony is a smuggler, though many would call him a Freedom Fighter, providing many disenfranchised 02556ers with necessary amenities from the 02536, like duct tape, acid washed denim, and - perhaps most importantly - information.

“It was sittin’ there, in the parkin’ lot at Nye Park,” Tony pauses to spit in his dip can, then adds, “I could smell the crack residue across the park.”  When I ask if he could perhaps be mistaken, if there is a possibility that some sea captain had merely dropped his tobacco pipe after a long season of whaling, Tony merely stares at me.  I feel his gaze plumbing the very depths of my soul, it’s clear that he pities my naiveté. Then, he chuckles, and adds with a paternal smile, “Yeah, I know.  It turned my world upside down, too.”

So, the question remains, is this an isolated incident, or is this lone crack pipe indicative of a, dare I say, 02556 crack epidemic?

“Oh, this happens in any region where there is disposable income and not enough going on to keep  the masses entertained,” proffers the 02536’s Ambassador to 02556, known only by the letter “B.”  She then turns her petite frame towards the bay window, gazes upon the 02556 and shakes her head. “Oh, I shudder to think what kind of dirt lies beneath these neatly manicured lawns.”

Well, It would seem that “B” has described the 02556 in a nutshell.  A zip code that has a mean household income of, well, more that you, dear reader, and a zip code that effectively shuts down at Eight O’clock PM, when Bill O’Reilly comes on.  Between these two testimonial, and my own astute observations, I’ve effectively established Motive, Means, and Opportunity.  Game, set, match.

Have these revelations shattered our perception of the seemingly pristine 02556?  Perhaps Tony best sums it up when he says, “Every clean zip code has its dirty secrets.”

Today is a great day in go2536 history. We have our first guest post since becoming a user generated site due to the goats hiatus. It is with great pleasure that we present our first submission from The Davisville Factor. Many of you probably recognize the name from some hilarity in the comments of previous posts, and for those fortunate enough to have read some of the classic TDF rants on the message board, it should come as no surprise that The Factor wants revolution… now.

So without further ado, the go2536 is proud to present… The Davisville Factor:

Lately, when reading the local paper on any given Tuesday or Friday, it is not unusual to read about an East Falmouth resident being the target of a beat-down (or worse) at the hands of another East Falmouth resident.  What the what?!?

Here in the center of the universe, we would go crazy if someone from WH or NF committed a criminal act against us.  You know what?  We need to show 10 times as much anger when we harm one of our own.  When we begin to truly believe that 1 of us is worth 10 of them beady-eyed punks, only then the mindset that perpetuates this violence will change.  It’s not the booze or the rap music or the cranberries creating the criminal behavior in the 02536; it is caused by our mentality.

Our attitude has to change and the key is pro2536 education.  And for starters, we need to see it sprouting in Hatchville, down Davisville, on Menauhant Beach, in Teaticket, and on the streets of Seacoast Shores . Rep your hood.

Brotherhood (and sisterhood) stems from pride, pride from mutual respect, respect fosters unity, unity leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to SUFFERING.  (Sorry, got off track.  Forget the Yoda part. Remember the ‘respect fosters unity’ part.)

While the current go2536 movement fills me with pride and inspiration, if we truly don’t want to lose our regional heritage, we can’t forget about the future. We must properly educate and motivate the EF youth who may be tempted by the flashy cars, imported beer, and the popped collars of the IZOD shirts they see on some of their big city peers. These youth are crying out, “Help us! Give us some attention! I wish I had a burrito!”

The Falmouth city slickers actually believe that EF citizens from a young age are simply prone to criminality, and must be held in check through rigorous surveillance and the iron hand of a vast incarceration system. And you know what? Some of us are actually starting to believe it. That is messed up. However, the dumb-asses downtown who foster these lies rarely voice their opinions so boldly, but instead blame linguica dependency and chinks in the armor of the criminal justice system as the culprit. These reactionaries are not really upset by the gruesome statistics of EF-on-EF crime, but rather, they celebrate them, as proof of the “alleged” superiority of WH/NF residents and the “alleged” inferiority of EF residents.

Again, pro2536 education is the key.

We should all give encouragement and support to those who are concerned and willing to sacrifice for the cause of saving the EF society. (But where can I find a group of people with pro2536 ideals?) We must come together as a people and commit to a plan of inner restructuring and investment.  And eat more burritos.

The crimes we read about have always been there, but are they more pronounced because of a lack of hope in The 02536?  Damn, I hope not. Maybe we all need to have our self-Easteem propped up a bit.

We need to unite and act decisively to press our pro2536 agenda wherever we can.   If we act now, we will be acting in the most fundamental security interests of the EF.  If we accept a course of weakness and submission, we’re just inviting the WH/NF boot to press upon the neck of The 02536 for generations to come.

Act now, because a response to the East Falmouth Library Fiasco of 2009 needs to be heard downtown, loud and clear.

And when it happens, it will be sweeter than a cherry pie with Ready-Whip topping.

=============================================

Humbly submitted by TheDavisvilleFactor

Hey does anyone know of anybody in the 02536 who might be interested in something like this?

Holy shit talk about hitting your target market…

Happy Mother’s Day to all you 02536 Mamas out there!

Hello my fellow 02536ers. Today the go2536 brings you news of a format change. Most of you have probably noticed that the frequency of posts here has dropped severely as of late. The reason for this is that the goat has been extremely busy with a new 02536 venture (more on this in the next few days) and has nary a minute to spare.

This brings us to the format change. We are now going to begin the search for a handful of regular writers and we will also accept guest post submissions from you, the people of the 02536. This was actually the original plan for the website as it’s purpose is to be for the people, by the people and now that vision will become reality with your help.

We hope that the stewards of the center of the universe will step up and not let this site go by the wayside, this is OUR website, each and every one of us and we need to continue the fight as often as possible. While this by no means spells complete retirement for the goat, daily posts are just an impossibility.

If you would like to get involved in any capacity, be it as a one time guest poster or as a regular featured writer, please send us an email at info@go2536.com letting us know you would like to get involved.

Long live the go2536!

Now we will change the subject and do a new little feature called “ask the goat”. This email came from a girl named Katie, here is the exchange:

dear go2536 you rock.at my job sometimes it can get really boring in the dead months. being from east falmouth or “EF” as a few of my co-workers and i have come to call it can be really humiliating. especially since their is a cute boy from mashpee that makes fun of me for being from “EF”. sometimes on my drive home im afraid to drive by golden sails, for fear of a being shot at by one of the locals whose name i read in the falmouth court report that very morning, or being sold an aweful car by that scumbag across the street. what should i do?

Dear Katie,

Start dating the “scumbag” from across the street from Golden Sails so he doesn’t rip you off on a car, have him beat the shit out of douche from Mashpee that makes fun of you for being from East Falmouth and take the freakin’ beach route. Problems solved

p.s. Or you could just move to North Falmouth.

-the goat