So the Falmouth Enterprise reported that the residents of Ballymeade are all up in arms about the water pressure in their homes.  As any regular reader of the go2536 knows, Ballymeade is a point of contention with us.  Some Ballymeade  residents like to claim they are in the 02556 and many even have P.O. Boxes at the North Falmouth Post Office just to keep the three six off their address.  That being said, they are still a part of our zip code, firmly planted in the center of the Universe and any grievance they have must be examined by the watchdogs of injustice.

Well it seems that about six years ago “the town turned off a booster pump on Sam Turner Road and switched to a gravity water power system”, to quote Brent Runyon, the author of the Enterprise report.   Apparently this has left 100 homes (22 by the towns count) at or below 35 psi (pounds per square inch).

Well my friends this is an absolute outrage!  It is time for the 02536 to rally around our brothers and sisters perched atop the hill.  It is every single Americans basic right to be able to shower with more than 35 psi.  Is there a feeling any worse than getting out of the shower and not feeling clean?  Could you torture a human in any way that could compare to having to walk around all day with heavy hair because you couldn’t get the conditioner out?

We’ve all stayed at a hotel for a weekend that has shitty water pressure.  You have to put the shower head on pulse and get that vibrating stream of water that spurts out and only hits a square inch of your body at a time just to feel like it is doing anything and then after that you can’t wait to get home and take a real shower.  Imagine if you were stuck in that hotel for SIX YEARS!  I don’t know about you but I would be ready to kill someone, I mean that’s not even enough pressure to peel off yesterdays deodorant layer.

Michael F. Oats submitted a picture of a water pressure gauge at his house showing 20 psi coming into his house.  Are you kidding me? 20 psi? You might as well have your wife stand on a stool and pour a flower pot over your head.

The Chairman of the board of Selectmen, Brent V.W. Putnam warned of the possibility of tempers flaring during the meeting addressing this issue, saying that he advised all involved to use the “bar of soap test”, urging that people  “don’t say anything that would cause your grandmother to put a bar of soap in your mouth”.

I am not sure if Brent intended the mother of all puns here, but I would say that the bar of soap test that Ballymeade residents need to adhere to here is the “if for six years you’ve stayed in the shower for forty minutes more than you should, and still can’t get the soap film off your body because you’re dealing with more dribble from your shower head than an NBA game then it might be time to tell someone at the water department to CUT THE SHIT and dial the turbo boosters on Sam Turner Road into overdrive and let a motherfucker get the dirt out from behind his ears!!!”

Apparently as is the case with all pertinent issues there will be a subcommittee formed to find a solution to the problem.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, spells a speedy way to fix an injustice like forming a subcommittee!  Seriously, cut our library hours, or take away our bathrooms but don’t mess with our water pressure.

C’mon, jokes over, we get it, ha ha, people in ballymeade have no pressure! Woo! …  Turn the fucking booster on now please.

P.S. unless you have an 02556 P.O. Box, in which case you can just go…

We called for action (in this post), the stewards of the 02536 answered the call and we righted a wrong! The offending website has seen the error of their ways and East Falmouth has been vindicated! Victory is ours! Let us fill the streets of the 02536 to drink Heinekens, dance and eat linguica for three days straight! This is a historic day for the zip code!

The center of the universe has once again proved that we will not be messed with, the rest of the galaxy is on notice, our throne is safe!

Viva la 02536! Viva la 02536!

The first 02536 games start today at 5 p.m. (click here for details) Today’s games will be:

White Hen Pantry vs. Great Bay Motel

Homestead Ln. vs. R.J.s Variety

Seacoast Shores vs. Danny’s Barber Shop

The Dump vs. Golden Sails

Remember you will be able to vote the winners in these games and it will be much more fun if you have a chance to win! Print out the bracket below, fill it in and email it back to us at info@go2536.com or just email us the names of the winners you predict in each round…

(edit: If you send us your picks without the brackets please format it as below, with all rounds)

East Bracket -
White Hen
Rj’s
Dannys
Dump

2nd rd

RJ’s
Dump

3rd rd-

Dump

West Bracket-
Menahaunt
JR Brody’s
Central
3 Way

2nd Round -
Menahaunt
3 Way

3rd rd-
3 Way

Final
Dump vs. 3 Way —-winner 3 Way

Just copy and paste it and replace the picks with your own, thanks!

To enter the 2009 go2536 Fantasy Baseball League fill in your name and email in the form below and we’ll send you an invite.

We will be posting a scoreboard on the site for weekly bragging rights. We have a few sponsors already and more are getting on board, so there are going to be lots of cool prizes! Get signed up, slots are going fast.

Billy Light was born in the 02536 on a wintery morning, his proud father cradled him in his arms for all the world to see.

Billy was the youngest of three, his siblings and he were inseperable from the get go…

Billy and his siblings had the quintessential 02536 childhood. They would play with Kermit and trucks and laugh and laugh and laugh. Billy had all the best toys and he was a happy boy…

As you can see, Billy took to cars right off the bat. Billy’s grandfather Bud “Heavy” Weiza was a big influence early on in his childhood. Billy loved to visit Grandpa Bud at his shop where Gramps would teach him about wrenching…

As a teenager Billy was a great athlete, he was a standout at Basketball…

When Billy really came into his own was when he became a standout on the FHS Football team. As a three year starter and captain for the Clippers Billy was in his glory…

One of Billy Lights most memorable moments was when he was selected as a Boston Globe student athlete of the week and was invited to Boston to meet Tom Brady and Paul Pierce…

From that moment on, in a trend that would last his entire life, Billy became a die hard Boston sports fan. He even developed a hardcore hatred for New York…

Around this time is when Billy Light turned twenty one. He celebrated the same way any good 02536er would, by going to J.R. Brody’s with some of his buddies. Billy was happy to show his I.D. on the way in…

On his twenty first Billy was happy to hook up with his High School buddies. He realized that even though they had grown apart and were very different as far as labels go, nobody could ever take away the fact that they had been through so much together. They may have gone their own ways but once they were in each others company they would instantly be as close as they ever were…

The boys had the pleasure of being waited on by Mary Ellen, hands down the best waitress in the 02536…

Billy even did his part for charity when he bought and filled out a shamrock and hung it on the wall…

Like many people Billy’s life became fairly mundane after his 21st and he settled into a life as a mechanic. He loved his life, he was doing what he always wanted to do and thought of Grandpa Bud “Heavy” every time he turned a wrench…

As Billy got into his thirties and life became simpler he started to revert back to giving time to himself. He would go out and play pool…

Billy Light was secure, and he enjoyed the things all great 02536ers enjoy, like playing some Keno in the big city at the Conference Table…

What?!?! Billy Light Big Ballin’ yo! Billy had some crazy times gambling and rocking it out big time…

Billy was living it up in the 02536 and loving life. The only thing missing was his old friends. On Billy’s 40th birthday was when a friend from his past moved back to the village of Easty. Billy’s oldest and most revered friend had decided he was going to return to the center of the universe! Just like that everything had come full circle and once again Billy had a partner in crime he knew, trusted and loved. Although Billy had gained quite a bit of weight and turned 40, it was like not a minute had passed…Billy Light’s old friend Frankie the 40 oz. had returned to the 02536!

What a country! Billy Light and Frankie the 40 oz. celebrated deep into the night and even outlasted the humans.

Ladies and gentlemen let this be a lesson to us all. Live your lives, no matter how mundane they may seem at times, and in the end the ones you love will return with a vengeance to remind you of what it is all about… good times with good people.

Long live the 02536!

Executive Producer: Uncle Ya’s Nephew

Before we get to the funny today there are three things going on that we would like to tell you about.

The first is that 02536 native son Paul Lorusso is putting together an over 25 men’s basketball league. It is about time those of us under 40 got to run the rock around here. Anyway they are looking for players and if you are interested you can contact Paul at 508-548-2756 or Paul@capecodagg.com for more information.

Secondly, we have an international crisis going on folks. Eric “Rock”Lemonious has been scooped up by Immigration Services this past Friday. He is married to a US citizen, and has 3 kids who were born in the US, he made a clerical mistake on his papers and is now facing deportation. What the hell does this have to do with the 02536 you ask? Well Eric is from our sister town of Falmouth, Jamaica and just as we would want help if we were wrongly jailed there, we feel it is our duty to come to his aid.

Plus he is a fantastic guy, so go listen to the reggae stylings of One Drop Sound System, drink some Red Stripe or Rum Punches and eat some Jerk Chicken at the Beach House on Sunday from 4-8 p.m. They will be having a raffle with great prizes to help him get a lawyer. We know, wrong zip, but it is for a great cause and you can think of it as an opportunity to 02536 up the joint.

Lastly we are putting together a Fantasy Baseball League with J.R. Brody’s and a few other sponsors. There will be kick ass prizes and some serious 02536 bragging rights on the line. We will have a lot more info on this in the next week or so, including a prize list, but if you would like to make sure you get a roster spot fill in the form below, there are a limited amount of spots so don’t sleep on it. (we’ll be back to our regular shit talking later today, stop whining)

J.R. Brody's Grand Opening Tuesday Feb. 17th

My fellow 03536ers, there are signs, and then there are beacons of glory that stand proud and shout to the world that the property they represent is holy ground. The sign above falls squarely into the latter category.

We are lucky to be alive during a great moment in 02536 history, we will all tell our grandchildren about the resurrection of 734 Teaticket Highway (rte. 28 in laymans terms). McGann’s had a great run and we can’t thank Declan and Bernie enough for the years of joy they brought to the zip code, but that is a post for another day. Today we are going to celebrate the new owners, Jen and Chris Palmer.

You may know Jen and Chris from Liam McGuire’s and the BBC respectively. They have been quenching the thirst of many of us for a long time with beer and joy alike. Well now they are finally coming together in their own establishment named for their three sons.

J.R. Brody’s will be open from 11:30 to 1:00 Tuesday through Sundays starting on February the Seventeenth in the year of our zip code Two Thousand and Nine. There will be pub food on the menu, but don’t expect your run of the mill grub. The food will be cooked from scratch with love and dripping with awesome sauce.

Jen and Chris have poured their heart and soul into the extensive renovations and we assure you they know what makes an establishment good, and what makes one great. We have not been this excited for something since the day we found out that beer exists. Along with the new digs, four new LCD televisions have arrived just in time for spring training and you can dance your face off to the areas best live music on weekends. In short, the place is going to be a flat out good time.

We will be updating you with details and photos as the grand opening nears over the next week, and there are plans coming together for unprecedented go2536 inspired events as you read this.

Last, but certainly not least… did we mention the freakin’ sign?!?! Has there ever been an establishment that displayed such an intense amount of pride in their neighborhood? (ahem… Carleton Face!) We here at the go2536 have been beaming with pride since the first time we saw this piece of art. Make no mistake kids, that sign is on par with the Mona Lisa, it should be in the Louvre.

Can’t you just feel the pride gathering steam, ready to boil over at any minute? No establishment embodies that spirit more than our newest, they have put it front and center for the world to see. We can feel our community coming together like never before, let’s all meet for a drink at J.R. Brody’s!

We tend to stay away from political issues here at the go2536. Luckily, while we are reporting on such hard hitting issues as the Carleton Circle Motel trying to say they are located in Falmouth, there is another steward of the center of the universe at work out there tackling politics.

We can not say how happy we were to find out that the Freedom Fighter From Fisherman’s Cove, Troy Clarkson, now has a column in the Enterprise. The towns finest Op-Ed writer has finally joined forces with the flagship publication of the 02536.

As a long time  friend of Troy and his family, the goat has followed his career closely. If you haven’t been following, just read a few of his past opinion pieces by clicking here. It will become very obvious, very quickly why we are fans. Troy pulls no punches whatsoever, he has the kind of balls that could only have been shaped and polished in the 02536, if he doesn’t like what you’re doing, he will call you out… by name… no matter who you are.

I admittedly disagree with many of his opinions on national politics, but I rarely disagree on his opinions of local goings on. Either way, no matter how you feel about his politics, you have to respect someone that will express their opinions with such fervor and irreverence towards the line-toeing political correctness we have all become so accustomed to.

Troys first column was in fridays Enterprise and coincedently opined on  a prior story that we intended to do a piece on. Well no need for that, Troy nailed it. Here is the opening paragraph…

“Please tell me if I missed some gripping event in our community history, but when did the Meineke building on Main Street become historic? The Falmouth Historic Commission, thanks to a $30,000 study conducted by Larson Fisher Associates of Woodstock, New York (insert your own joke here), has embarked on an eternally subjective and never-ending quest to tell us what buildings should be added to the local cultural resources inventory.”

(insert your own joke here) Why thank you Troy, I believe I will. New York?!?! NEW F%*#ING YORK!?!? They have to be kidding with that right? Not only is that like having a sober Norwegian guy judge a linguica contest, it also has the added screw you element of contributing to the economy of the home state of the Yankees, Jets and Giants. Why not just give David Tyree and Bucky Dent the keys to the friggin’ town while you’re at it?

Troy keeps chuggin along and gaining steam for a while and then pulls out his 0253six-shooter and fires off a few warning shots with this paragraph…

“Other than withstanding some revolutions around the sun, how can simple age equate with historic value? Take the Emerald House and its environs, for instance. That East Falmouth landmark is more than just a house on Davisville. It captures the rich cultural and agricultural history of an entire zip code, of a generation of Falmouthites, and the Portuguese people because of what happened inside its walls and around its property. It is a living history of our community. Many of the houses nearby are simply old homes, where we played ding-dong-ditch on the way to East Falmouth School.”

Ummm… for those of you keeping score at home that is Troy-7 and everyone outside of our zip code-0. He just managed to represent the Emerald House, East Falmouth, Davisville, the zip code, Portuguese people, ding-dong-ditch, and East Falmouth School in one paragraph. The secret is revealed, that is the recipe for awesome sauce right there.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind the Falmouth Historic Commission to tip their waiter… because you my friends, just got served.

Folks, how can you not feel as though we are well represented in the zip these days. We have representation on the streets, on the internet and in print. We are so proud right now we’re not even going to mention that Troy moved from Davisville to North Falmou…  oops. It’s alright Troy, you will always have an honorary ghetto pass as far as we are concerned.

What has happened here has been overwhelming to say the least. This website has taken on a mind of it’s own and grown to over a thousand readers a week. This is a testament to the deep community pride that marinates the 02536 in awesome sauce before slow roasting it to perfection.

We have had a ton of feedback from our readers, many in exile all over the country, and the number one question we get asked is “are the shirts real?”. Yes, they are real and they’re spectacular (ooh random Seinfeld quote). We also wanted to let everyone know that most shirts are limited production and will be discontinued once a certain amount are sold. We are doing this so that each shirt stays unique. There is nothing worse than having the same shirt as three hundred other ass clowns. So if you see one you like, don’t wait because it may disappear soon.

We have heard from many of you with great ideas and please keep them coming, whether you found a craigslist ad, have an establishment of the week idea, T-Shirt idea, know of someone who should be interviewed, or if you just want to hear some goat ramblings on a certain subject. You can reach us through the contact page. We are also going to start an 02536 announcements page, so if you have an event you want to get the word out for, just let us know, and we’ll let a couple thousand people know.

Also the photo contest has been extended due to technical difficulties, but we are still accepting submissions. So click here to send us an entry and you might win a shirt and status in the community that most only dream about.

One of our greatest little surprises with this website is the comments from our readers after the posts. Goats like to laugh too, so thank you and please keep the funny replies coming. If you really feel like you have a lot to say about the 02536 you could always  join the message board and talk all the shit you want.

I know what you’re all saying to yourselves right now: “what the hell is this crap, where’s the dumb jokes?”. I apologize, and assure you they shall return in all their sophomoric glory. I hope you are all having as much fun as we are.