By now everyone has read the story about the guy who found 10 human teeth in a wallet he was going to buy in the 02536 Wal-Mart. In case you live under a rock, or have been middle of the winter drunk for the last three days (knowing our readers both are a strong possibility) click here for the entire story. Here is the first excerpt:

“A Wal-Mart customer shopping for a new wallet Saturday night found 10 human teeth while looking through a billfold he was about to buy, the police said yesterday.

Police said the man was shopping in the Teaticket Highway store at 9:58 p.m. when he unzipped one of the wallet’s compartments and discovered what police have identified as 10 human teeth. One of the teeth — which police said are from an adult — had a filling, police said”

Are you thinking what I am thinking? What an incredible marketing tactic! After all, I don’t know if you realize it or not, but we are in a recession. What does a wallet cost at Wal-Mart, $1.29? I mean even with the best of insurance the co-pay at the dentist is going to dwarf that. 10 teeth for $1.29? I guarantee wallet sales at Wal-Mart in Teaticket are up 834% since this incident.

Imagine all the ghetto birds flocking in to try and score some chiclets for their dome pieces. That is not even to mention the people coming in from the big city (02540). We heard from a source on the street that the Towne Tavern had taken up a collection and sent the bartender to Wal-Mart to wipe out the wallet section a mere hours after this story broke.

“”We’re not aware of anything like this happening in the past, and we believe this to be an isolated incident,” said Ashley Hardie, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman.”

Isolated my ass, once the numbers come in and the other Wal-Marts catch wind of the $2.4 million in wallet sales the Teaticket store does in the next three days, mark my words, teeth will be popping up everwhere. I predict that by Tuesday a Wal-Mart employee in Arkansas mysteriously finds 10 teeth in the pocket of a pair of Wranglers. The next day that place will be more packed with rednecks than it was on “get a free can of Skoal when you buy a  ribbed tank top” day.

I’m telling you, don’t be fooled folks, this was no “accident” or “isolated incident”. Tough economic times call for crazy new marketing techniques. It won’t be long before someone finds a years supply of penicillin in a bag of goldfish. It’s pure genius.

In other news we just wanted to apologize to the reader who ordered a go2536 T-shirt and accidentally received a $100 bill and a bar of gold. We are pretty sure it was an “isolated incident”. We think.

Big thanks to Andy N. for the tip