This is a photo sent in by one of our readers named Howard.  Apparently this contraption lives in the heart of the 02536 at Falmouth Glass and Mirror, let’s see if you can guess what the hell this thing is?

Stumped? Well here is Howards explanation:

“A backpack vacuum cleaner seemed like a great idea……wear the machine instead of dragging it around, knocking into walls and corners…..but it was heavy…..so ….I know….mount it in a dolly. That way it’s on wheels and you can drag it around and not feel the weight.”

A backpack vacuum… bungee corded to a dolly? A true 02536/MacGyverian move, kudos Howard! Kudos.

So the Falmouth Enterprise reported that the residents of Ballymeade are all up in arms about the water pressure in their homes.  As any regular reader of the go2536 knows, Ballymeade is a point of contention with us.  Some Ballymeade  residents like to claim they are in the 02556 and many even have P.O. Boxes at the North Falmouth Post Office just to keep the three six off their address.  That being said, they are still a part of our zip code, firmly planted in the center of the Universe and any grievance they have must be examined by the watchdogs of injustice.

Well it seems that about six years ago “the town turned off a booster pump on Sam Turner Road and switched to a gravity water power system”, to quote Brent Runyon, the author of the Enterprise report.   Apparently this has left 100 homes (22 by the towns count) at or below 35 psi (pounds per square inch).

Well my friends this is an absolute outrage!  It is time for the 02536 to rally around our brothers and sisters perched atop the hill.  It is every single Americans basic right to be able to shower with more than 35 psi.  Is there a feeling any worse than getting out of the shower and not feeling clean?  Could you torture a human in any way that could compare to having to walk around all day with heavy hair because you couldn’t get the conditioner out?

We’ve all stayed at a hotel for a weekend that has shitty water pressure.  You have to put the shower head on pulse and get that vibrating stream of water that spurts out and only hits a square inch of your body at a time just to feel like it is doing anything and then after that you can’t wait to get home and take a real shower.  Imagine if you were stuck in that hotel for SIX YEARS!  I don’t know about you but I would be ready to kill someone, I mean that’s not even enough pressure to peel off yesterdays deodorant layer.

Michael F. Oats submitted a picture of a water pressure gauge at his house showing 20 psi coming into his house.  Are you kidding me? 20 psi? You might as well have your wife stand on a stool and pour a flower pot over your head.

The Chairman of the board of Selectmen, Brent V.W. Putnam warned of the possibility of tempers flaring during the meeting addressing this issue, saying that he advised all involved to use the “bar of soap test”, urging that people  “don’t say anything that would cause your grandmother to put a bar of soap in your mouth”.

I am not sure if Brent intended the mother of all puns here, but I would say that the bar of soap test that Ballymeade residents need to adhere to here is the “if for six years you’ve stayed in the shower for forty minutes more than you should, and still can’t get the soap film off your body because you’re dealing with more dribble from your shower head than an NBA game then it might be time to tell someone at the water department to CUT THE SHIT and dial the turbo boosters on Sam Turner Road into overdrive and let a motherfucker get the dirt out from behind his ears!!!”

Apparently as is the case with all pertinent issues there will be a subcommittee formed to find a solution to the problem.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, spells a speedy way to fix an injustice like forming a subcommittee!  Seriously, cut our library hours, or take away our bathrooms but don’t mess with our water pressure.

C’mon, jokes over, we get it, ha ha, people in ballymeade have no pressure! Woo! …  Turn the fucking booster on now please.

P.S. unless you have an 02556 P.O. Box, in which case you can just go…

You could try as hard as you can for the rest of your life, drink nothing but awesome sauce on a daily basis and graduate magna cum laude from the East Falmouth school of cool, but you will never, ever, in no way shape or form be anywere near as awesome as this guy and his bike…

"02536 Playground of the Century"

…big ups to George C. for the photo.

Today’s post is the acceptance speech of the The Davisville Factor who won the first annual Sweet 0253Sixteen tournament. The Davisville factor not only won, but did it in impressive fashion by guessing every match up correctly. So without further ado here is the speech from The Davisville Factor:

I want to thank all the members of go2536.com from the bottom of my heart, and thank those who were with me over the last two weeks, those who supported, helped, volunteered, and enabled me to reach this goal –all of the residents of the Republic of East Falmouth. This is our victory and our achievement.

I’d also like to thank my fellow competitors; they made me remember a valuable lesson that was taught to me a long time ago on the streets of The 36: Victory is not something you can buy at Family Foods. You have to earn victory.

Davisville and Menauhant may have been victorious in this tournament, but ultimately, this is the victory of the cause of 02536 freedom. These are historic times we live in. Many thought they’d never live to see the day when the will of a handful of free people would break the tyranny of rampant elitism and establish a place where the cultural and spiritual heritage of 02536 would be nurtured, and celebrated.

The Sweet 0253sixteen Tournament has inspired me to act upon the beliefs of which so many have so strongly spoken, and in which I so strongly believe.   It has also shown me that individual glory is insignificant when compared to achieving victory as a team.

Now is the time we must join together and devote all our strength and resources to the completion of our united task, both at home and abroad in the big city of Falmouth.

A shepherd of East Falmouth must tend to his flock… And at times, fight off the wolves.

Advance, East Falmouth! Long live the cause of freedom! God save the Goat!

-The Davisville Factor

We are proud to present the first annual Sweet 0253Sixteen championship to… drumroll… The Davisville Factor.

The Davisville Factor submitted a perfect bracket, you heard that right, they picked every single match up correctly. What a way to come out and make a statement in the first year. It just goes to show how far a little gritty determination and speedy page refreshing skills will take you these days.

So D.F. please send us your acceptance speech so we can add it to this post along with your T-shirt choice to info@go2536.com

Congrats!

Apparently there have been some 0253dicks acting like degenerates (big surprise) and playing a little mailbox baseball on Old Meetinghouse Rd.. After receiving a hot tip from Bobby S., team go2536 went down there to investigate.

Arriving on the scene, the douchetectives first came across the mailbox on the left. After a forensic study it became obvious that there has been an unusually high concentration of ass-clownery in the area.

Team go2536 determined that the owner of the mailbox to follow is just fed up with having to replace his receptacle every week after a new batch of half-retarded 02536 “yutes” do a Big Papi impression on it. His response is absolutely classic 02536. This mailbox will go down in history as having won the first ever go2536.com lifetime achievement Port-chie Award.

So without further ado, check out the fix this person came up with…

Oh hell yeah, that my friends is a five gallon bucket duct taped to a post. I personally challenge any person to try and out 02536 this mailbox, it is simply impossible to top. This is the flagship, the beta version if you will, of East Falmouth mailboxes and will never be improved upon. If you are thinking you have a chance of even coming close to the awesomeness of this thing, let me also tell you this…

…the duct tape is reinforced with a fan belt.

Game, set, match.

Today we are opening the polls for our championship game. Both teams fought hard to get here in what was a wide open and crazy tournament.

The last two standing are Danny’s Barber Shop and Menauhant Beach. Danny’s is the underdog coming in, but they have embraced that role throughout the tournament. If Danny’s can pull this out it will be a story for the ages.

Menauhant Beach is no surprise since it has two big things going for it. First, it is a place that many 02536ers grew up with and have many fond memories of. Second, and this may be even more of an advantage if you believe the rumors, it is the team that Davisville Factor picked to win it all.

What is going to make this interesting is to see if the fact that it is now tainted with hippie sand affects the outcome. At this point is a vote for Menauhant in some way a vote for Woods Hole? This situation is enough to make a person twitch and fall over with blood coming out of their ear.

Vote early, vote often…

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The Great Eight round proved to be a most heated affair. (Updated bracket to the left) There has been quite a few accusations of foul play going around. The fact that people can vote as many times as they want has led to rumors of ballot stuffing.

Here is the official response from go2536 management… get over it! There is a reason we said to vote early and vote often. This is not “most likely to succeed” in Lawrence Junior High, this is a cut-throat competition in the hood.

It is an even playing field out there for everyone, if you want the free shirt bad enough to be completely non-productive at work while stuffing the ballot, then you deserve it as far as we are concerned.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on to the final games so that we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming (this shit is taking forever, huh?). The remaining teams all have one thing in common, not one was a favorite coming in. (They are all also in The Davisville Factors Bracket… hmmmm…)

The leaderboard has stayed pretty much the same with the Davisville Factor comfortably out front and Stevie K. in second. The only difference is that Sean M. has emerged into sole posession of third place.

In game one of the final four we have a battle of long standing little guys in the community. Probably the two most constants in the 02536 are haircuts and booze, let’s see which takes it.

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Game 2 features the only geographical location left, Menauhant Beach, going up against, what else? Booze.

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The first round of the Sweet 0253sixteen is officially over and it is time to decide who will make the final four.

There were a few surprises in the opening matches and it looks like we are going to have some hotly contested games in this next round. Click on the image to the left for a full size view of the updated bracket.

Let’s recap the action shall we? In the East Bracket the #1 seeded White Hen came out and did what it was supposed to do against the Great Bay Motel. You just can’t expect 24 hour snacks to lose in the first round. (We will see a distinct pattern of alcohol related victories in this round by the way).

Game 2 saw R.J.’s Variety easily stomp out Homestead Ln. While it is nice to cut through, you can’t buy booze on Homestead.

In an upset for the ages, Danny’s Barber Shop defeated the number one seeded Seacoast Shores. This was the biggest upset since the Miracle on Ice. Danny’s is the feelgood story of the tournament so far.

Golden Sails came out of the gates hot and destroyed the Dump in a rout. When a team can go out and get 76% of the vote in a game against the Dump, they have to be put up there with the favorites to win the whole thing.

In the West Bracket we saw our only booze related loss as Kenyon’s Market went down in a stunner against Menauhant Beach. I guess voters went with the first place they got to second base over the establishment where their buyer bought the wine coolers that led to the make out session to begin with.

J.R. Brody’s had an easy victory over Trotting Park Rd. Yeah, ummm… booze.

The only street to advance to the great eight was Central Ave. as it defeated Moonakis Cafe. You have to believe that not being open year round killed Moonakis here. I mean if they ever expect to make a good showing in the big dance they are going to need to establish a mandatory off season workout program.

Although the final game was not a shocker as far as the outcome, it was a bit surprising that Barrett Real Estate didn’t put up more of a fight against Three Way Liquors. The goat really thought Barrett would show they belonged in with the big boys.

In the go2536 Bracket Challenge, the first round scores have been tallied and the leaderboard looks like this:

1. The Davisville Factor (40 pts. Perfect Score!)
2. Stevie K. (35 pts.)
3. 5 players tied (30 pts.)

Bringing up the rear in dead last is none other than Insane Tony with a paltry, anemic, I mean just awful 15 pts. Way to go Tony!

Alright let’s fire up the polls for the Great Eight! In the first match up we have a battle of Teaticket convenience, White Hen Pantry will be taking on R.J.’s Variety.

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Game 2 features two long standing institutions as Danny’s Barber Shop continues it’s Cinderella run against Golden Sails.

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The third battle in the Great Eight will see battle hardened Menauhant Beach face off against the newcomer J.R. Brody’s.

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Last but not least we have the war of the East Falmouth big dogs. Central Avenue is going to be put to the test by the ever popular Three Way Liquors.

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Polls will be open until 5 p.m. Tuesday, may the best 02536ers win!