Stumped? Well here is Howards explanation:

“A backpack vacuum cleaner seemed like a great idea……wear the machine instead of dragging it around, knocking into walls and corners…..but it was heavy…..so ….I know….mount it in a dolly. That way it’s on wheels and you can drag it around and not feel the weight.”

A backpack vacuum… bungee corded to a dolly? A true 02536/MacGyverian move, kudos Howard! Kudos.

Well it seems that about six years ago “the town turned off a booster pump on Sam Turner Road and switched to a gravity water power system”, to quote Brent Runyon, the author of the Enterprise report.   Apparently this has left 100 homes (22 by the towns count) at or below 35 psi (pounds per square inch).

Well my friends this is an absolute outrage!  It is time for the 02536 to rally around our brothers and sisters perched atop the hill.  It is every single Americans basic right to be able to shower with more than 35 psi.  Is there a feeling any worse than getting out of the shower and not feeling clean?  Could you torture a human in any way that could compare to having to walk around all day with heavy hair because you couldn’t get the conditioner out?

We’ve all stayed at a hotel for a weekend that has shitty water pressure.  You have to put the shower head on pulse and get that vibrating stream of water that spurts out and only hits a square inch of your body at a time just to feel like it is doing anything and then after that you can’t wait to get home and take a real shower.  Imagine if you were stuck in that hotel for SIX YEARS!  I don’t know about you but I would be ready to kill someone, I mean that’s not even enough pressure to peel off yesterdays deodorant layer.

Michael F. Oats submitted a picture of a water pressure gauge at his house showing 20 psi coming into his house.  Are you kidding me? 20 psi? You might as well have your wife stand on a stool and pour a flower pot over your head.

The Chairman of the board of Selectmen, Brent V.W. Putnam warned of the possibility of tempers flaring during the meeting addressing this issue, saying that he advised all involved to use the “bar of soap test”, urging that people  “don’t say anything that would cause your grandmother to put a bar of soap in your mouth”.

I am not sure if Brent intended the mother of all puns here, but I would say that the bar of soap test that Ballymeade residents need to adhere to here is the “if for six years you’ve stayed in the shower for forty minutes more than you should, and still can’t get the soap film off your body because you’re dealing with more dribble from your shower head than an NBA game then it might be time to tell someone at the water department to CUT THE SHIT and dial the turbo boosters on Sam Turner Road into overdrive and let a motherfucker get the dirt out from behind his ears!!!”

Apparently as is the case with all pertinent issues there will be a subcommittee formed to find a solution to the problem.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, spells a speedy way to fix an injustice like forming a subcommittee!  Seriously, cut our library hours, or take away our bathrooms but don’t mess with our water pressure.

C’mon, jokes over, we get it, ha ha, people in ballymeade have no pressure! Woo! …  Turn the fucking booster on now please.

P.S. unless you have an 02556 P.O. Box, in which case you can just go…

I kept hearing of this book, The Running Waves. I kept hearing these rumors that went something like this; “Seton has written a book with T.M. Murphy (Ted, really, but I’m still not 100% sure of the proper etiquette when referring to a professional of T.M.’s caliber, while simultaneously mentioning a friend as well) and it is about Marc and Pete”.

Marc and Pete were friends of ours, they died in a boating accident between myself and Setons Junior and Senior years in High School.

Like most people who are friends of the brothers Murphy and from this area, the combination, or juxtaposition if you will, of a book with a subject matter that carved so deeply into my own psyche and the general excitement I felt for a friend having achieved such a wonderful milestone could certainly become a double edged sword.

I mention these thoughts because this is a local website and most of the people reading this were also in some way affected by the accident that took Marc and Pete’s lives that summer. It is natural to place expectations on a book that hits so close to home, but after talking with Seton I realized that the single most important thing to remember about The Running Waves was that it is indeed a work of fiction, and it is not about Marc and Pete.

Like all works of fiction the book is certainly influenced by the experiences of the authors, but it is also by no means a memoir or a chronicle of events. No matter what the reader wants The Running Waves to be or the preconcieved notions one brings into reading this book, it is important to remember that The Running Waves is indeed fiction. While our familiarity with the authors makes the book that much more interesting for us Cape people, it also makes it difficult for us to not get caught up in trying to figure out who exactly each character is supposed to be and micromanaging our assesment of the storyline.

I for one was glad to have talked with Seton and that he stressed this point to me prior to reading the book, it allowed me to read The Running Waves as it should be read, it allowed me to read it with an open mind.

The Running Waves is really two books. On the surface the book is an entertaining and at times laugh out loud funny story about the lives of two brothers in Silver Shores (Cape Cod). The book brings the reader back to the mid nineties on the Cape, with tales of using a little nose grease to combat the foam in a beer funnel, playing games like high or low, and detailing the process of properly breaking in the bill on a baseball hat. This book is full of “Oh my god remember that” moments.

If you have ever pondered how drunk you could get by licking the sweat pouring out of your pores in the summer sun after a night of drinking or enjoyed a keg party with a delightful mix of townies and summer stuck ups The Running Waves will bring you right back to the freewheeling days that was summer on The Cape for a young adult.

While there are plenty of funny stories and situations to keep you entertained, the backbone of this side of the story is the dialouge. Whether it be banter between friends on a car ride, nervous chats with the opposite sex or, one of my favorites, the talking between co-workers who spend long days together, The Running Waves is full of the type of spontaneous dialouge we have all had at times and wished we had a tape recorder to be able to remember it.

The other side to this book is also expressed by dialouge, all be it of a different manner. The inner dialouge the two brothers have with themselves, the little voice we all have inside our heads but never fully share with anyone. The writers bravely let us eavesdrop into the thoughts of the two main characters as they deal with their insecurities and inner pain.

One brother is battling with himself trying to deal with the loss of dear friends, a loss that came early enough in life that he was in no way prepared for it. Colin Brennan is at an age where he is dealing with the confusion of becoming an adult and deciding what he wants in life. Unfortunately he is simultaneously forced to deal with the reality of facing death.

This proves to be a formidable challenge and the lines between partying and self medicating become blurred. Colin has found himself overcome with a laundry list of emotions and inequipped to handle them so he decides to escape the best way he knows how; getting fucked up whenever he can, however he can.

While Colin is slipping away many people look towards his older brother to reach him. Dermot Brennan has just returned to town to find his younger brother going down a bad road and feels compelled to get him turned around, but Dermot has his own issues involving a failed romantic relationship and insecurities about his professional future.

This is where we get to the heart of The Running Waves. How can a teenager become a man and move on when his life is seemingly crashing down around him? How can his older brother save him while deep down he feels as though he is the one who needs saving?

At its core the Running Waves is a generous book. What I mean is that we all travel through our lives with our own insecurities and our own inner voice which we feel is unique to us and secludes us from everyone else. The Running Waves, through introspective honesty, gives us the ablility to realize that we are not alone, each and every one of us has our own achilles heel, our own fears about love, abandonment, success, failure, strength and weakness.

To find out what happens with the brothers, well you’ll just have to read the book, but let’s just say that the coming of age of Colin and Dermot Brennan in essence reminds us that no matter what, as long as we are honest and true to ourselves we will never be alone.

The Running Waves is our book, yours and mine, in that it was born in our little corner of the world. Our community. Our friends and our past. Just as it is important for us to support local talent by travelling to the Garden when the FHS Basketball team makes the State Championship, or buying 2′ x 4’s at Falmouth Lumber instead of Home Depot. This is OUR community and this is our book written by our people, so support your local artists and click on the link below to get your own copy of The Running Waves, and as tempting as it is, don’t borrow it, go get your own. I would be willing to bet that if you emailed Ted or Seton you could even get it signed.

The Running Waves is hilarious, witty, engaging and so deeply introspective at the same time that it certainly took guts to write. Show the brother’s Murphy that you are as proud of them as I am by buying a copy of the book and then passing the word on.

click below to go to the official website for The Running Waves for more info

The Running Waves

Wondering where to buy it?  Here:  Eight Cousins, Both Coffee Obsessions, Daily Brew, Periwinkles next to the Chart Room.

To share this post and spread the word on facebook simply click the small “f” facebook icon below

It is true, an 02536 Appreciation Night is upon us this Tuesday, April 12th and all the future Tuesdays to follow. At the great watering hole of the zip, J.R. Brody’s, we, the people of the villages of the 02536, will have a night to call our own. A night of pride and entertainment, 02536 STYLE! The live music will be courtesy of the newly formed and ever thankful 02536 Orchestra. There will be debauchery and madness aplenty.

Throughout the night there will be contests and 02536 trivia with prizes including zip code gear, relics and collectibles from the center of the universe. We will be giving away gift certificates from many 02536 establishments as well. There will also be a TOP SECRET GRAND PRIZE!

Rumor has it that there may even be a 68% chance that Insane Tony could do a reading…

So get yourself to J.R. Brody’s this Tuesday night, April 12th (festivities kick off at 9:00 pm) and help establish Tuesdays as THE night to be at THE bar in THE zip code.

See you there…

On the previously mentioned day a great leader of the 02536, a shaper of young minds, Paul Lundberg, brought forth 14 warriors dressed in the maroon and white battle gear of the mother town. These young men are the Falmouth High School varsity boys basketball team, and the site of their visit was none other than the East Falmouth Elementary School. This may seem like a trivial event which may be commonplace in some communities, but there is a twist to this story. The Athletes were not walking in as unkown, faceless entities, you see they were meeting their friends.

At the beginning of every basketball season Coach Lundberg assigns each child in his fourth grade class to one of the members of the varsity basketball team and they become pen pals. A novel idea and a great addition to the youngsters of the 02536 early educational experiences, but it does not stop there. While the day the basketball team comes to school is no doubt one the children look forward to, it is only the beginning of the 0253spectacle to continue on into the night.

The Clippers take to the court a few hours later and it is not just any other night, ladies and gentleman, the evening is TITLED East Falmouth Night! That’s right the 02536 is not only being represented, but celebrated on this evening. With most children from the East Falmouth Elementary in attendance, the evening starts off with every Falmouth player and his respective pen pal being introduced together.

As the game nears it is the children of the 02536, the apples of the center of the universe, the chosen ones, who sing the national anthem. At halftime the Easty little ones git down and boogie on the court with the Falmouth cheerleaders. (In the goats experience for most 02536 bred boys this will not be the last time they do this)

At the opening of this article, we claimed the 02536 was partly responsible for a great victory that day. The Falmouth Basketball Team took it to Plymouth North that beautiful night and tallied a 24 point victory, winning the battle 70-46. If you don’t think that the team and the students of East Falmouth Elementary were working together as one in order to win that game then you know nothing of the camaraderie of athletics.

In front of the largest crowd for a game this season some of the Falmouth school systems oldest students and some of its youngest simultaneously learned a life lesson that no classroom can teach, they learned about community, and that my friends is the spirit of East Falmouth Night. That is also why it is an event worthy of waking the slumbering goat and forcing him to action.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the 02536 this event happened with no pomp or circumstance and would go untold had it not been for the many ears of the stewards of the center of the universe on the street. (Namely Uncle Ya’s Nephew)

Since the Basketball team is doing their part for the community we think it is time for the community do their part for the basketball team. This Friday the 5th of February first place in the ACL will be on the line when Falmouth squares off against Marshfield at 6:30 p.m. The last time these two teams played Marshfield claimed victory in front of a large and boisterous crowd on their home turf.

Let us, the 02536 rally behind these young men who have selflessly given their time to our village and children and show up in record numbers to help them claim the league lead on their way to the State Tournement.

Godspeed Falmouth Basketball players, Coaches Lundberg and Patterson, and godspeed to the 02536!

p.s. Yes the rumors are true, Joe2536 went to the Highfield Ball and our cameras captured it, stay tuned for episode 2 of the Adventures of Joe2536.

"You totally have a chance... buuuut not really."

Illumination Of The Inner Self (what your halloween costume says about you)

Halloween parties are a flashlight shining into the window of a persons soul. They illuminate the dormant recesses where we all keep our deepest and most repressed traits and desires. These parties are akin to a debutante ball or bat mitvah, only they take place in the bizarro world of adults.

We all get into our cosutumes, fall into character and head out to announce ourselves to the world. We think we are being toungue in cheek with our choice of garb, but only such a joyous occasion can make intelligent grown-ups so naive. In reality we are all actually being quite transparent and divulging secrets to all revelers as we drink the night away in our inadvertantly revealing costumes. Costumes that we have even convinced ourselves we chose for some reason other than the real one.

Maybe it is the brevity of the situation that provides such a perfect platform for this brutal yet un-intentional unveiling of the inner self. Maybe we all truly want to reveal the side of ourselves that stays hidden for 364 nights a year. Maybe nobody actually does subliminally reveal things about themselves through their Halloween costumes, but if that is the case then this article would suck, so let’s just all agree to stick to pondering the first two shall we? (It’s printed on the internet for god’s sake, it has to be true)

So let’s take a little trip down exposure lane as go2536 unveils the first ever guide to a persons soul, based solely on their choice of Halloween costume. The list will state the costume followed by what each costume says about the person wearing it:

1. The Rubik’s cube: “I am going to start every discussion about my costume with this sentence; Actually, I can do the Rubik’s cube in like 4 minutes.” Translation - “I want people to think I am wicked smaht even though I am a tool who ranks intelligence via puzzle solving skills and cranium victories.”

2. The Naughty Nurse: (Can be substituted with The French Maid)- Says one of two things, the first is; “I actually deep down want to be a whore but not enough to dress up like one on a regular basis. Therefore I am not actually one so you are not getting laid tonight buddy, but keep talking to me and trying because I like feeling the power over you that a hot whore would have. I am so confused.”

The second thing it can say is “I paid $4,000 dollars for these tits and you are all going to look at them tonight, like it or not.”

3. Paul Pierce: “All I had in my closet to make into a costume was this Celtics Jersey and a headband left over from when I played rec league basketball. I didn’t know I was coming to a costume party until five minutes ago. I am extremely apathetic when it comes to this shit.” (and everything else for that matter)

4. The Doctor: “I am polite all the time and I am sick of it so I wanted an excuse to make gross anatomy jokes to good looking girls. Deep down I am a pig and I love it, I just don’t have any balls without a costume on.” (the doctor will be talking to the naughty nurse all night long, but in the end she’ll make out with Paul Pierce, who was playing horeshoes and drinking with his buddies all night)

5. The Angel: “I am a total bitch.”

6. The Pimp: “I am here to party hard, cheat on my girlfriend and make every girl here feel really uncomfortable at least once. I am the guy nobody actually likes but I am so socially hyperactive that I talk to everyone. This allows me to have everybody thinking I am everyone else’s good friend, which assures that nobody will ever realize that I am actually universally disliked. I’ll be at every party you are at for the rest of your life… chumps.”

7. Raggedy Ann: “I am a very nice girl and will remain that way until we move in together, at which point I will turn into a raving lunatic.”

8. The Gorilla: “I obviously don’t think things through at all and cannot be held responsible for any of my idiotic decisions. How am I supposed to get high school drunk with this mask on? I can’t, so the mask will end up in your bathroom sink and I will be passed out in the hammock by 10 o’clock. Oh and don’t touch me, I peed in my gorilla suit.”

9. Minnie Mouse: “I am a total sweetheart and will remain so forever. This, accompanied with my childish naivety, will lead me to marry a complete douchebag. I will then make excuses for him and love him until the end. I won’t do it because I am not strong, I am just too sweet and simple to see that I get shit on by men as often as the constitution gets shit on by politicians”

10. Sonny and Cher: (all couples costumes) These can say two different things also: The first is… “We don’t give a shit what you think, we love each other and we are going to get shitfaced and have a blast with each other even if your party is totally lame. Then we are going to boot the Gorilla so we can do it on your hammock.”

Or it can say… “My wife makes me do this because she wears the pants in the relationship. I am miserable and will be making self deprecating remarks about our relationship all night. These remarks will be way too close to the truth to be taken as sarcasm. This will make everyone very uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as when she starts screaming at me in front of everyone. I hate my wife.”

So there you have it. A look at what some of the Halloween Costumes out there really mean. If you were in any way offended by this list, go ahead and move to the 02556.

Have fun and stay safe everyone!

Do you think they mean cigarettes, blunts or the tires? Let us know in the comments…

We can all picture the scene in our mind’s eye:  White-shuttered houses with wide porches on quiet lanes.  Inlets and coves dotted with moored sailboats.  Crack pipes.

Wait, what was that last one?

It would appear that, according to reliable sources, There’s more to North Falmouth than the Village Association would like us to believe.

“I can spot a good crack pipe a mile a way,” intones my informant - a strapping man with a noble chin, a dignified air, and horn-rimmed glasses with an attached nose and mustache named “Anthony”.  Though some have gone so far as to call him “Insane” in the past, I have never found him to be anything less than  credible.

The Evidence.

I’m back in the 02536, if only temporarily.  I had to slip across the border incognito; first growing out my straggly beard, then shaving into it the traditional tribal markings known as “handlebars.”  I’m risking exposure and almost certain disdain from my “neighbors” to gain access to the information possessed by Tony.  You see, Tony is a smuggler, though many would call him a Freedom Fighter, providing many disenfranchised 02556ers with necessary amenities from the 02536, like duct tape, acid washed denim, and - perhaps most importantly - information.

“It was sittin’ there, in the parkin’ lot at Nye Park,” Tony pauses to spit in his dip can, then adds, “I could smell the crack residue across the park.”  When I ask if he could perhaps be mistaken, if there is a possibility that some sea captain had merely dropped his tobacco pipe after a long season of whaling, Tony merely stares at me.  I feel his gaze plumbing the very depths of my soul, it’s clear that he pities my naiveté. Then, he chuckles, and adds with a paternal smile, “Yeah, I know.  It turned my world upside down, too.”

So, the question remains, is this an isolated incident, or is this lone crack pipe indicative of a, dare I say, 02556 crack epidemic?

“Oh, this happens in any region where there is disposable income and not enough going on to keep  the masses entertained,” proffers the 02536’s Ambassador to 02556, known only by the letter “B.”  She then turns her petite frame towards the bay window, gazes upon the 02556 and shakes her head. “Oh, I shudder to think what kind of dirt lies beneath these neatly manicured lawns.”

Well, It would seem that “B” has described the 02556 in a nutshell.  A zip code that has a mean household income of, well, more that you, dear reader, and a zip code that effectively shuts down at Eight O’clock PM, when Bill O’Reilly comes on.  Between these two testimonial, and my own astute observations, I’ve effectively established Motive, Means, and Opportunity.  Game, set, match.

Have these revelations shattered our perception of the seemingly pristine 02556?  Perhaps Tony best sums it up when he says, “Every clean zip code has its dirty secrets.”

Today is a great day in go2536 history. We have our first guest post since becoming a user generated site due to the goats hiatus. It is with great pleasure that we present our first submission from The Davisville Factor. Many of you probably recognize the name from some hilarity in the comments of previous posts, and for those fortunate enough to have read some of the classic TDF rants on the message board, it should come as no surprise that The Factor wants revolution… now.

So without further ado, the go2536 is proud to present… The Davisville Factor:

Lately, when reading the local paper on any given Tuesday or Friday, it is not unusual to read about an East Falmouth resident being the target of a beat-down (or worse) at the hands of another East Falmouth resident.  What the what?!?

Here in the center of the universe, we would go crazy if someone from WH or NF committed a criminal act against us.  You know what?  We need to show 10 times as much anger when we harm one of our own.  When we begin to truly believe that 1 of us is worth 10 of them beady-eyed punks, only then the mindset that perpetuates this violence will change.  It’s not the booze or the rap music or the cranberries creating the criminal behavior in the 02536; it is caused by our mentality.

Our attitude has to change and the key is pro2536 education.  And for starters, we need to see it sprouting in Hatchville, down Davisville, on Menauhant Beach, in Teaticket, and on the streets of Seacoast Shores . Rep your hood.

Brotherhood (and sisterhood) stems from pride, pride from mutual respect, respect fosters unity, unity leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to SUFFERING.  (Sorry, got off track.  Forget the Yoda part. Remember the ‘respect fosters unity’ part.)

While the current go2536 movement fills me with pride and inspiration, if we truly don’t want to lose our regional heritage, we can’t forget about the future. We must properly educate and motivate the EF youth who may be tempted by the flashy cars, imported beer, and the popped collars of the IZOD shirts they see on some of their big city peers. These youth are crying out, “Help us! Give us some attention! I wish I had a burrito!”

The Falmouth city slickers actually believe that EF citizens from a young age are simply prone to criminality, and must be held in check through rigorous surveillance and the iron hand of a vast incarceration system. And you know what? Some of us are actually starting to believe it. That is messed up. However, the dumb-asses downtown who foster these lies rarely voice their opinions so boldly, but instead blame linguica dependency and chinks in the armor of the criminal justice system as the culprit. These reactionaries are not really upset by the gruesome statistics of EF-on-EF crime, but rather, they celebrate them, as proof of the “alleged” superiority of WH/NF residents and the “alleged” inferiority of EF residents.

Again, pro2536 education is the key.

We should all give encouragement and support to those who are concerned and willing to sacrifice for the cause of saving the EF society. (But where can I find a group of people with pro2536 ideals?) We must come together as a people and commit to a plan of inner restructuring and investment.  And eat more burritos.

The crimes we read about have always been there, but are they more pronounced because of a lack of hope in The 02536?  Damn, I hope not. Maybe we all need to have our self-Easteem propped up a bit.

We need to unite and act decisively to press our pro2536 agenda wherever we can.   If we act now, we will be acting in the most fundamental security interests of the EF.  If we accept a course of weakness and submission, we’re just inviting the WH/NF boot to press upon the neck of The 02536 for generations to come.

Act now, because a response to the East Falmouth Library Fiasco of 2009 needs to be heard downtown, loud and clear.

And when it happens, it will be sweeter than a cherry pie with Ready-Whip topping.

=============================================

Humbly submitted by TheDavisvilleFactor