On the previously mentioned day a great leader of the 02536, a shaper of young minds, Paul Lundberg, brought forth 14 warriors dressed in the maroon and white battle gear of the mother town. These young men are the Falmouth High School varsity boys basketball team, and the site of their visit was none other than the East Falmouth Elementary School. This may seem like a trivial event which may be commonplace in some communities, but there is a twist to this story. The Athletes were not walking in as unkown, faceless entities, you see they were meeting their friends.

At the beginning of every basketball season Coach Lundberg assigns each child in his fourth grade class to one of the members of the varsity basketball team and they become pen pals. A novel idea and a great addition to the youngsters of the 02536 early educational experiences, but it does not stop there. While the day the basketball team comes to school is no doubt one the children look forward to, it is only the beginning of the 0253spectacle to continue on into the night.

The Clippers take to the court a few hours later and it is not just any other night, ladies and gentleman, the evening is TITLED East Falmouth Night! That’s right the 02536 is not only being represented, but celebrated on this evening. With most children from the East Falmouth Elementary in attendance, the evening starts off with every Falmouth player and his respective pen pal being introduced together.

As the game nears it is the children of the 02536, the apples of the center of the universe, the chosen ones, who sing the national anthem. At halftime the Easty little ones git down and boogie on the court with the Falmouth cheerleaders. (In the goats experience for most 02536 bred boys this will not be the last time they do this)

At the opening of this article, we claimed the 02536 was partly responsible for a great victory that day. The Falmouth Basketball Team took it to Plymouth North that beautiful night and tallied a 24 point victory, winning the battle 70-46. If you don’t think that the team and the students of East Falmouth Elementary were working together as one in order to win that game then you know nothing of the camaraderie of athletics.

In front of the largest crowd for a game this season some of the Falmouth school systems oldest students and some of its youngest simultaneously learned a life lesson that no classroom can teach, they learned about community, and that my friends is the spirit of East Falmouth Night. That is also why it is an event worthy of waking the slumbering goat and forcing him to action.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the 02536 this event happened with no pomp or circumstance and would go untold had it not been for the many ears of the stewards of the center of the universe on the street. (Namely Uncle Ya’s Nephew)

Since the Basketball team is doing their part for the community we think it is time for the community do their part for the basketball team. This Friday the 5th of February first place in the ACL will be on the line when Falmouth squares off against Marshfield at 6:30 p.m. The last time these two teams played Marshfield claimed victory in front of a large and boisterous crowd on their home turf.

Let us, the 02536 rally behind these young men who have selflessly given their time to our village and children and show up in record numbers to help them claim the league lead on their way to the State Tournement.

Godspeed Falmouth Basketball players, Coaches Lundberg and Patterson, and godspeed to the 02536!

p.s. Yes the rumors are true, Joe2536 went to the Highfield Ball and our cameras captured it, stay tuned for episode 2 of the Adventures of Joe2536.

"You totally have a chance... buuuut not really."

Illumination Of The Inner Self (what your halloween costume says about you)

Halloween parties are a flashlight shining into the window of a persons soul. They illuminate the dormant recesses where we all keep our deepest and most repressed traits and desires. These parties are akin to a debutante ball or bat mitvah, only they take place in the bizarro world of adults.

We all get into our cosutumes, fall into character and head out to announce ourselves to the world. We think we are being toungue in cheek with our choice of garb, but only such a joyous occasion can make intelligent grown-ups so naive. In reality we are all actually being quite transparent and divulging secrets to all revelers as we drink the night away in our inadvertantly revealing costumes. Costumes that we have even convinced ourselves we chose for some reason other than the real one.

Maybe it is the brevity of the situation that provides such a perfect platform for this brutal yet un-intentional unveiling of the inner self. Maybe we all truly want to reveal the side of ourselves that stays hidden for 364 nights a year. Maybe nobody actually does subliminally reveal things about themselves through their Halloween costumes, but if that is the case then this article would suck, so let’s just all agree to stick to pondering the first two shall we? (It’s printed on the internet for god’s sake, it has to be true)

So let’s take a little trip down exposure lane as go2536 unveils the first ever guide to a persons soul, based solely on their choice of Halloween costume. The list will state the costume followed by what each costume says about the person wearing it:

1. The Rubik’s cube: “I am going to start every discussion about my costume with this sentence; Actually, I can do the Rubik’s cube in like 4 minutes.” Translation - “I want people to think I am wicked smaht even though I am a tool who ranks intelligence via puzzle solving skills and cranium victories.”

2. The Naughty Nurse: (Can be substituted with The French Maid)- Says one of two things, the first is; “I actually deep down want to be a whore but not enough to dress up like one on a regular basis. Therefore I am not actually one so you are not getting laid tonight buddy, but keep talking to me and trying because I like feeling the power over you that a hot whore would have. I am so confused.”

The second thing it can say is “I paid $4,000 dollars for these tits and you are all going to look at them tonight, like it or not.”

3. Paul Pierce: “All I had in my closet to make into a costume was this Celtics Jersey and a headband left over from when I played rec league basketball. I didn’t know I was coming to a costume party until five minutes ago. I am extremely apathetic when it comes to this shit.” (and everything else for that matter)

4. The Doctor: “I am polite all the time and I am sick of it so I wanted an excuse to make gross anatomy jokes to good looking girls. Deep down I am a pig and I love it, I just don’t have any balls without a costume on.” (the doctor will be talking to the naughty nurse all night long, but in the end she’ll make out with Paul Pierce, who was playing horeshoes and drinking with his buddies all night)

5. The Angel: “I am a total bitch.”

6. The Pimp: “I am here to party hard, cheat on my girlfriend and make every girl here feel really uncomfortable at least once. I am the guy nobody actually likes but I am so socially hyperactive that I talk to everyone. This allows me to have everybody thinking I am everyone else’s good friend, which assures that nobody will ever realize that I am actually universally disliked. I’ll be at every party you are at for the rest of your life… chumps.”

7. Raggedy Ann: “I am a very nice girl and will remain that way until we move in together, at which point I will turn into a raving lunatic.”

8. The Gorilla: “I obviously don’t think things through at all and cannot be held responsible for any of my idiotic decisions. How am I supposed to get high school drunk with this mask on? I can’t, so the mask will end up in your bathroom sink and I will be passed out in the hammock by 10 o’clock. Oh and don’t touch me, I peed in my gorilla suit.”

9. Minnie Mouse: “I am a total sweetheart and will remain so forever. This, accompanied with my childish naivety, will lead me to marry a complete douchebag. I will then make excuses for him and love him until the end. I won’t do it because I am not strong, I am just too sweet and simple to see that I get shit on by men as often as the constitution gets shit on by politicians”

10. Sonny and Cher: (all couples costumes) These can say two different things also: The first is… “We don’t give a shit what you think, we love each other and we are going to get shitfaced and have a blast with each other even if your party is totally lame. Then we are going to boot the Gorilla so we can do it on your hammock.”

Or it can say… “My wife makes me do this because she wears the pants in the relationship. I am miserable and will be making self deprecating remarks about our relationship all night. These remarks will be way too close to the truth to be taken as sarcasm. This will make everyone very uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as when she starts screaming at me in front of everyone. I hate my wife.”

So there you have it. A look at what some of the Halloween Costumes out there really mean. If you were in any way offended by this list, go ahead and move to the 02556.

Have fun and stay safe everyone!

Do you think they mean cigarettes, blunts or the tires? Let us know in the comments…

We can all picture the scene in our mind’s eye:  White-shuttered houses with wide porches on quiet lanes.  Inlets and coves dotted with moored sailboats.  Crack pipes.

Wait, what was that last one?

It would appear that, according to reliable sources, There’s more to North Falmouth than the Village Association would like us to believe.

“I can spot a good crack pipe a mile a way,” intones my informant - a strapping man with a noble chin, a dignified air, and horn-rimmed glasses with an attached nose and mustache named “Anthony”.  Though some have gone so far as to call him “Insane” in the past, I have never found him to be anything less than  credible.

The Evidence.

I’m back in the 02536, if only temporarily.  I had to slip across the border incognito; first growing out my straggly beard, then shaving into it the traditional tribal markings known as “handlebars.”  I’m risking exposure and almost certain disdain from my “neighbors” to gain access to the information possessed by Tony.  You see, Tony is a smuggler, though many would call him a Freedom Fighter, providing many disenfranchised 02556ers with necessary amenities from the 02536, like duct tape, acid washed denim, and - perhaps most importantly - information.

“It was sittin’ there, in the parkin’ lot at Nye Park,” Tony pauses to spit in his dip can, then adds, “I could smell the crack residue across the park.”  When I ask if he could perhaps be mistaken, if there is a possibility that some sea captain had merely dropped his tobacco pipe after a long season of whaling, Tony merely stares at me.  I feel his gaze plumbing the very depths of my soul, it’s clear that he pities my naiveté. Then, he chuckles, and adds with a paternal smile, “Yeah, I know.  It turned my world upside down, too.”

So, the question remains, is this an isolated incident, or is this lone crack pipe indicative of a, dare I say, 02556 crack epidemic?

“Oh, this happens in any region where there is disposable income and not enough going on to keep  the masses entertained,” proffers the 02536’s Ambassador to 02556, known only by the letter “B.”  She then turns her petite frame towards the bay window, gazes upon the 02556 and shakes her head. “Oh, I shudder to think what kind of dirt lies beneath these neatly manicured lawns.”

Well, It would seem that “B” has described the 02556 in a nutshell.  A zip code that has a mean household income of, well, more that you, dear reader, and a zip code that effectively shuts down at Eight O’clock PM, when Bill O’Reilly comes on.  Between these two testimonial, and my own astute observations, I’ve effectively established Motive, Means, and Opportunity.  Game, set, match.

Have these revelations shattered our perception of the seemingly pristine 02556?  Perhaps Tony best sums it up when he says, “Every clean zip code has its dirty secrets.”

Today is a great day in go2536 history. We have our first guest post since becoming a user generated site due to the goats hiatus. It is with great pleasure that we present our first submission from The Davisville Factor. Many of you probably recognize the name from some hilarity in the comments of previous posts, and for those fortunate enough to have read some of the classic TDF rants on the message board, it should come as no surprise that The Factor wants revolution… now.

So without further ado, the go2536 is proud to present… The Davisville Factor:

Lately, when reading the local paper on any given Tuesday or Friday, it is not unusual to read about an East Falmouth resident being the target of a beat-down (or worse) at the hands of another East Falmouth resident.  What the what?!?

Here in the center of the universe, we would go crazy if someone from WH or NF committed a criminal act against us.  You know what?  We need to show 10 times as much anger when we harm one of our own.  When we begin to truly believe that 1 of us is worth 10 of them beady-eyed punks, only then the mindset that perpetuates this violence will change.  It’s not the booze or the rap music or the cranberries creating the criminal behavior in the 02536; it is caused by our mentality.

Our attitude has to change and the key is pro2536 education.  And for starters, we need to see it sprouting in Hatchville, down Davisville, on Menauhant Beach, in Teaticket, and on the streets of Seacoast Shores . Rep your hood.

Brotherhood (and sisterhood) stems from pride, pride from mutual respect, respect fosters unity, unity leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to SUFFERING.  (Sorry, got off track.  Forget the Yoda part. Remember the ‘respect fosters unity’ part.)

While the current go2536 movement fills me with pride and inspiration, if we truly don’t want to lose our regional heritage, we can’t forget about the future. We must properly educate and motivate the EF youth who may be tempted by the flashy cars, imported beer, and the popped collars of the IZOD shirts they see on some of their big city peers. These youth are crying out, “Help us! Give us some attention! I wish I had a burrito!”

The Falmouth city slickers actually believe that EF citizens from a young age are simply prone to criminality, and must be held in check through rigorous surveillance and the iron hand of a vast incarceration system. And you know what? Some of us are actually starting to believe it. That is messed up. However, the dumb-asses downtown who foster these lies rarely voice their opinions so boldly, but instead blame linguica dependency and chinks in the armor of the criminal justice system as the culprit. These reactionaries are not really upset by the gruesome statistics of EF-on-EF crime, but rather, they celebrate them, as proof of the “alleged” superiority of WH/NF residents and the “alleged” inferiority of EF residents.

Again, pro2536 education is the key.

We should all give encouragement and support to those who are concerned and willing to sacrifice for the cause of saving the EF society. (But where can I find a group of people with pro2536 ideals?) We must come together as a people and commit to a plan of inner restructuring and investment.  And eat more burritos.

The crimes we read about have always been there, but are they more pronounced because of a lack of hope in The 02536?  Damn, I hope not. Maybe we all need to have our self-Easteem propped up a bit.

We need to unite and act decisively to press our pro2536 agenda wherever we can.   If we act now, we will be acting in the most fundamental security interests of the EF.  If we accept a course of weakness and submission, we’re just inviting the WH/NF boot to press upon the neck of The 02536 for generations to come.

Act now, because a response to the East Falmouth Library Fiasco of 2009 needs to be heard downtown, loud and clear.

And when it happens, it will be sweeter than a cherry pie with Ready-Whip topping.

=============================================

Humbly submitted by TheDavisvilleFactor

Holy shit talk about hitting your target market…

Happy Mother’s Day to all you 02536 Mamas out there!

This brings us to the format change. We are now going to begin the search for a handful of regular writers and we will also accept guest post submissions from you, the people of the 02536. This was actually the original plan for the website as it’s purpose is to be for the people, by the people and now that vision will become reality with your help.

We hope that the stewards of the center of the universe will step up and not let this site go by the wayside, this is OUR website, each and every one of us and we need to continue the fight as often as possible. While this by no means spells complete retirement for the goat, daily posts are just an impossibility.

If you would like to get involved in any capacity, be it as a one time guest poster or as a regular featured writer, please send us an email at info@go2536.com letting us know you would like to get involved.

Long live the go2536!

Now we will change the subject and do a new little feature called “ask the goat”. This email came from a girl named Katie, here is the exchange:

dear go2536 you rock.at my job sometimes it can get really boring in the dead months. being from east falmouth or “EF” as a few of my co-workers and i have come to call it can be really humiliating. especially since their is a cute boy from mashpee that makes fun of me for being from “EF”. sometimes on my drive home im afraid to drive by golden sails, for fear of a being shot at by one of the locals whose name i read in the falmouth court report that very morning, or being sold an aweful car by that scumbag across the street. what should i do?

Dear Katie,

Start dating the “scumbag” from across the street from Golden Sails so he doesn’t rip you off on a car, have him beat the shit out of douche from Mashpee that makes fun of you for being from East Falmouth and take the freakin’ beach route. Problems solved

p.s. Or you could just move to North Falmouth.

-the goat

"02536 Playground of the Century"

…big ups to George C. for the photo.

Let me just say that I understand cutting back library funding is something we are all going to have to get used to, especially in tough economic times. I fully understand the irony of spending millions of dollars on a building that holds the same amount of information as a $500 laptop. Libraries still hold immense cultural value, it is just that they are now basically museums, their value is in their historic relics and archives. This my friends is not the point of this story, it is about the manner in which they are divvying up the cutbacks. Here is our first excerpt from Brent’s article:

The Main branch will suffer a 15% cut in hours, with an 8% cut in “student hours” (the amount of time the branch will be available after school hours), the North Falmouth branch will suffer a 23% drop in hours, with no cut in student hours, but the East Falmouth branch will suffer a 37% cut in hours with - get this - an 80% cut in student hours.

Uh, hello? Is there anybody out there? Could someone please remove the giant yellow school bus from above the 02536 because it is crushing us! The only solace we have is that it could be worse… the bus could have weighed a lot more if it weren’t for the 80% less students on it. Thankfully they now have 80% more time for things like crack and arson instead of learning.

People wonder why the Court Reports are full of 02536ers, well here is your answer. This is how it is in the hood, while kids in the other villages are eating cookies and developing healthy addictions to Webkinz at the library, our youngsters are out hustling in the streets so they can buy a loaf of Portuguese sweet bread from Family Foods and be lucky if they get to eat the egg.

Do you know how good they have it in the other villages? Here’s the big difference between us and them… they don’t even eat the egg, they throw the fu&*ing egg away.

My fellow good for nothing, criminal hood rats, here comes the kicker. This next part is probably the biggest FU that we have ever covered here at the go2536 so brace yourself:

Tuesday before town meeting, I spoke at length with a member of the Woods Hole Library board. There was concern over the suggestion that the the funds granted to the Woods Hole Library be transferred to the town library system.

I wasn’t entirely opposed to this idea, since the Woods Hole Library is open 30 hours a week, the funding given to them this year is the same as the funding given for the past two years, and they aren’t cutting back on their hours. In other words, there is no shared sacrifice. All three branches of the town library are suffering cutbacks to one degree or another, but not the Woods Hole Library.

Wow. Just wow. They’ve infected our beaches and now they have cut off the flow of information all in the name of their own benefit. We have lost 80% of our library time, Woods Hole has lost zero. While our kids are playing in traffic their kids will be cozied up to the fireplace reading the Communist Manifesto or The Book Of Tofu.

Sadly Mrs. Botelho’s proposed amendment failed, chalk up a big loss for the 02536. A sad day indeed, it is times like these that even a goat questions the fight, it seems hopeless in the face of such tyranny. Sigh…